If only I smoked, I’d so light up a cigarette ‘bout now. I just engaged in the most satisfying discourse. My co-conspirator, Theron Neel, editor of the fabulous Slammed & Damned, asked some very provocative questions which I thoroughly enjoyed answering HERE. Little did he know, he was helping me transition to the “NEW 20.” Phew! At last everything makes sense…
June’s been filled with unexpected surprises: a tornado, 2 best picture awards, major life changes and exciting opportunities. Amidst all the craziness, yes, I turned the “new 20.” For some reason people seem to think that’s a big deal.
On a recent trip to Cleveland, Mum had asked me, “So, how do you want to celebrate your big birthday?” She was not the first to ask me this and I responded with the same dazed look on my face, “I, uh, guess, I uh…duh (drool)…etc.”
I actually felt bad for not having some creative, meaningful response to this oft-asked question. Was there something wrong with me? Was I ungrateful? Uninspired? Too jaded for porn?
Over the years, I’ve taken great delight in determining how I might make others feel special on their day, but for me personally, birthdays have never really meant too much. Hell, Mum did all the work on that fateful day back in 1970. If anybody deserves a cake and a wish on this day, shouldn’t it really be her?
Funny, too, I’ve actually spent a vast majority of my more recent birthdays on a plane. Twice I skipped my date entirely, hopping a plane in the U.S. on June 15th and arriving in Asia on June 17th. One year I was going through customs in Paris when the guard said, “Bon Anniversaire!” and only then did it dawn on me, “Oh, right. As of today I’m now legally a year older. Fancy that.”
But this year I felt almost pressured to make an event of it. I felt like I should accomplish some major feat: climb a mountain, swallow fire, walk on burning coals? What is the rite of passage for entering mid-life? Luckily I found my answer without even looking for it.
As I continued to stare blankly, Mum just smiled, “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I mean, look at your whole life.” She looked proud. I was suddenly filled with relief.
Shortly after, Theron Neel of Slammed and Damned, having reviewed our entire Deviant oeuvre, asked if I might be interested in doing an interview with him. If you haven’t checked out his site you really must. Wonderful, insightful reviews and the kind of interviews that don’t just offer stock answers to stock questions – they reveal the personalities of the artists behind the art. Naturally, I felt honored to be included.
However, as I pondered his thoughtful questions, I realized this was no mere interview. It was time travel, taking me back through time on the journey that’s brought me here:
I was a starry-eyed child in Ohio, a would-be Shirley Temple in California, a punk rock girl in Cleveland, a teenage gypsy in Venezuela, a college co-ed at Sarah Lawrence and in Spain, a bohemian in NYC, a lost soul in New Orleans, a free-spirit-turned-film-student in San Francisco, a writer/college professor in Washington and Indiana, a filmmaker who travels the world, and each magical era with so many sidebars, hair colors, travels and wonderful people throughout.
How many lifetimes does one live in a single lifetime, I wondered…
Then I felt a giant weight lifted from my shoulders. My rite of passage has been the last 40 years – d’uh! I don’t know why people fret so much about their age. As Randall, a darling teenaged boy I met in Echo Park, told me as he (blush) hit on me the day before my birthday, “I think age is irrelevant.” Of course this was one situation where age wasn’t entirely irrelevant, but admittedly it was a nice ego booster (as was getting legitimately carded on my 40th – yay!) But such things are hardly of any real consequence.
I’ve been told repeatedly I should lie about my age. Apparently I can still “easily pass for late 20s.” But why would I want to do that? I’ve earned this age dammit. I feel bad for a lot of folks who feel compelled to resort to such petty antics. I truly believe the only reason to feel concerned about the passing years is if one is not spending her time well. If I had looked back having not seen and done all that I have, perhaps 40 would bother me. Perhaps I would hear some creepy biological clock ticking, warning me time’s a wasting. But I don’t feel I’ve wasted much time at all. To the contrary, I can hardly believe so much has happened in a mere 4 decades. And how exciting to think I might be afforded another 40 – this time without the inconvenience of having to learn the language, potty-training and puberty. I can make even better use of my time this next half or so. That rocks!
So thanks, Mum, Theron and the wonderful friends and family who made this a truly special birthday. This year as I sat surrounded by wonderful friends, blowing out the candles on my traditional thematically-inspired black-and-white-cookie, I could only make a silly little wish, because the bigger one has already come true: my dream of a lifetime is this lifetime itself. A happy birthday indeed!
*p.s. For the record, I don’t know that Theron’s a vampire-lover per se. I do know he likes Near Dark and the horror genre in general though. I merely took some poetic license because I was fresh out of clever blog titles today.
So this means I’m 21…