It’s a perfect rainy day and I’ve just indulged in my second candle-lit breakfast this week – highly recommended!
2010 has been unexpectedly blissful thus far… I was concerned it would be tough to adjust to being grounded after so many months on the road. But, 
to the contrary, it’s been downright exciting. 
It’s suddenly a novelty to sleep in my own bed, drink from my favorite coffee mug, have an actual routine again.
They say, ” home is where the heart is,” and as I tend to wear mine on my sleeve, I usually feel at home wherever I happen to go (assuming my top has sleeves, I guess.) Oddly, I’d never felt that way about L.A. until the past few weeks.
I initially thought L.A. was to blame, but I finally realized that, in fact, I think it was “me not her.” I was living a lie and it was making me miserable. For the first time in my life I had writer’s block and a truly nasty case of insomnia. I felt helpless here. It was an ugly feeling.
In retrospect, it’s hardly surprising. So much wasted time! I had a mindless job that I hated. I was taking a bunch of useless meetings. I wrote a crappy script to submit to a TV writing fellowship I did not even want and I was taking bad advice from people whose careers (and lives in general) were certainly in no better shape than my own. I have never been less productive in my own work or less happy in general.
Instead, I spent too much time with people who were constantly whining about how the system was keeping them down, rather than following the good example of my friends who were proactively pursuing their dreams on their own terms and having a blast whilst doing so. Highly preferable – so why do so many insist on wallowing in unnecessary misery? And more importantly, why on earth did I join them?
In this town you have artists and you have business people. Unfortunately, for those of us in the first category who are not too keen on the latter category, we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place. There are not many Peggy Guggenheims left in the world and most of us have to be patrons of our own art or work like hell to convince somebody else to be.
With such pressures on, it’s easy to focus on the desired destination and utterly forget to enjoy the journey. We forget why it is we choose to create art (the love of it) and make decisions based on what we think we should do to succeed at it (often times resulting in us hating the very thing we’re supposed to love). As a result, we put ourselves in cages of our own making and litter its floor with crap. And the artist dies a little.
I’m happy to say this artist is free of last year’s cage and resurrected in glorious Technicolor. The journey is fun again and, lo and behold, productivity has been astounding as a result. No more writer’s block, no more insomnia, no more wallowing.
At the most perfect time, I finally saw “Julie and Julia” and found it to be an incredibly moving and highly relevant film for where i’m now at. Meryl Streep’s Julia is such an inspiration, both in her approach to art and life. And Stanley Tucci, as her husband Paul, inspired me to write this ridiculously long sappy gushing thank you letter to Agustin, because it reminded me once more how lucky I am to also have such an amazing partner.
At one point in the film, the usually upbeat Julia gets her umpteenth rejection and enters the room clearly dejected. Paul listens to her bad news and with all the sincere outrage of a devoted partner yells, “Fuck ‘em!” Admittedly, I wept like a schoolgirl. This is exactly what Agustin would say. The only perfect thing to say to get one fired back up and fight that much harder. (thanks again, Agustin!)
Julia Child laughs through much of the film, just as I have been again – at the good and the bad and the ridiculous. Laughing’s far more fun than taking any of it too seriously after all. Besides, when you do what you love in life, it’s all a joy to some degree. Even the disappointments. The triumphs would not be nearly so sweet without them, and the hurdles merely make us stronger in our convictions, or simply remind us we don’t really want something bad enough and we’d best go find something about which we’re truly passionate. Either way – win-win.
I finally know what I want and am immersed in a practical, yet super fun plan to realize that dream. I am not in it alone either – which is the best part. In just over a month, a small team of us will share some fun news as we embark on this new exciting journey. I suspect it’s going to be a wild, wonderful ride. Why shouldn’t it be?
This all said, I have declined the opportunity to direct the new horror film I mentioned last entry. It’s an amazing project and I’d so love to be involved, but I’ve fallen head over heels for this other project and am ready to commit to her exclusively. And no, for those concerned, I’m not a pod person. It’s still me here, just a slightly more functional model. Details soon, I swear…
And fear not, trippin’ will not get lost in the fray. We have our world premiere in Phoenix this weekend and another promising development in the works. More on that shortly as well.
In the meantime, I have one last bit of personal news 9drum roll please…) I finally unpacked. Up until last week, I had kept boxes about, as I always do, anticipating the next move. The walls of my bedroom remained bare. Our books and other items in the apartment lived in stacks on the floor. But no more!
While I’ll always wear some of my heart smeared all over my sleeve, I’ve finally allowed the rest of her to accept this place as “home.” My walls are now covered in souvenirs from my travels, the boxes have all been emptied and tossed in the recycling – and check it out – actual bookcases ! (click on photo right to see). Kenny dutifully put them together (thanks, Man!) and we now have a “parlour” in which I get to write every day.
Ah, home sweet home at last! (for another 1-3 years at least which is a serious commitment for me). So be warned, Locals, potluck parties and poker games are nigh…This gypsy’s taking a domestic holiday.