Cannes Market 101 – “I Wasn’t Selling, I Was Facilitating” – Cannes Independent DAY 9

Posted in Diary of a Directrix, On the Fest Circuit
June 1st, 2010 by Devi Snively (The Directrix)

splendid 2 smWhen you awaken to a book deal, a TV deal and a possible distribution deal before breakfast, chances are it’s not gonna be a total crap day.  And to make it that much sweeter, the pool was algae-free at last – splendid indeed!

jon_stewartYes, congrats to Agustin whose morning e-mail revealed he’s landed a book deal(!) for his first pop book with a a major publisher (he’s authored numerous academic texts and a bijillion articles thus far, but popular press is a whole new territory.)  I begged him to invite me to dinner with Jon Stewart if his book tour includes the Daily Show – fingers crossed.    If that wasn’t exciting enough, he also got asked to make another TV guest appearance (this time on National Geographic with a very exciting celebrity guest host – but we’ll save that fun tidbit for when it airs.)  And a quick check of my own e-mail revealed we’ve successfully negotiated domestic distribution terms for Death in Charge and contracts shall soon follow.  Hooray!

chris jonesWednesday was another full day at the market for us.  We took some more meetings and I ran into film fest buddy and one-man-indie-film guru/cult icon Chris Jones, who was leading a group through the endless booths, sharing the wealth of his vast knowledge.  They were to shoot an episode of their new show at Cannes and suggested I pop by for an interview.  “Fun – count me in,” I responded as we dashed off to our respective appointments.  Several more distributors requested screeners and we felt reasonably secure that we’d hit the most appropriate of the bigger companies that might be the right home for trippin’.

IMG_2251After,  we caught our first actual market screening – the long awaited Mad Cow having been tantalized by the great posters, chicks in t-shirts and other promotional stunts.  These guys know how to market a movie.  The question remained, however, do they actually know how to make a movie.  The answer:  a resounding yes!

Mad Cow is not for all tastes.  I heard the producer announce that this movie is best viewed drunk and high.  And, no doubt, the drunk and high will be particularly delighted by it for sure.  But I was neither drunk nor high and still enjoyed myself.  Mad Cow is surprisingly charming.  An ultra low-budget movie shot in film, it somehow has an early 80s look to it reminiscent of  The Gods Must Be Crazy and the best of classic Troma, with humor homages ranging from Monty Python, to Mel Brooks to Spike Jones (the Vaudevillian-esque musician, not the music director-turned big director, Kiddies) and Mystery Science Theater as well.

mad_cow_still2This is a movie that doesn’t take itself seriously which is precisely why it works so well.  If you just go along for the ride you will likely find yourself laughing and groaning aloud.  The foley alone was a treat.  I nearly lost it early on before it had revealed its full level of parody and a cat walking by emitted a human voice that simply said, “Meow.”  I don’t know why it’s funny – it simply is.  No deep analysis is required.

mad_cow_top_585-thumb-585xauto-12405It will be very interesting to see how Mad Cow fares.  They certainly did their job promoting it.  As I reiterated before, you cannot judge much by a market screening and the last thing you’d want as a filmmaker is to watch your film in such a context.  This was the third and final screening of Mad Cow with about 20 in attendance (from what I have gathered that’s pretty impressive.  Many films screen but once and are lucky to attract even 5 viewers.  The market’s pretty flooded and it’s not easy to stand out, much less raise interest in your project.).

www.MadCowTheMovie.com-P1040506I was happy for the filmmakers that a number of us vocally reacted with laughs and such, but the majority of the folks were gone within the first 20 minutes.  This says nothing about the film, mind you.  That’s what buyers do.  Watch the first 5-20 minutes, make their decisions, leave.  Yuck.  Good luck, Mad Cow – we’re rooting for you!

After the screening we met up with J, Nat and Ra for our mid-day sangria.  Nat ran up first exclaiming, “I got your next blog title!)  This has been an ongoing joke since our Anchorage days.  Somebody says something amusing and we all comment, “That’d be a good title for the blog” which stems from a previous recurring joke that hails from Paige & Hadley’s Prom From Hell, “That’d be a good name for a band.”

red carpet myspace smAnyway, Nat re-enacted an entire hysterical scene she’d just witnessed in the market in which some poor sales agent who looked on the verge of tears assured his angry superiors,  “I wasn’t selling, I was facilitating!”  Ah, the market.  Definitely blog-title-worthy.

We were looking forward to a fun night back at the Cannes Independent Fest, but after several more meetings at the market we ran into a distributor who’d seemed particularly pumped about our puppet and he strongly urged us to check out a horror film they represented that was screening at 7:30 – d’oh!  It was for buyers only, but he’d save a pass for me.  We agreed and figured it would be good for research purposes.  It did sound interesting.  They compared it to Evil Dead (a personal fave) and shared that it was made for $30,000 Aussie, considerably more than trippin’, but still a paltry sum.

empty screening roomIt was shown in a tiny screening room with about 12 of us present, half of whom were just horror fans and not even buyers.  This was a brilliant education.  My heart sunk a little as I noted the fabulous FX and awesome production design, beautiful cinematography, great sound – definitely in another league from our little film.  And there was one quick jolt scare right up front as we learned is so crucial, but then something interesting happened – or rather, nothing interesting happened.

The film had some creepy moments, the acting was very competent and, as I said, it really did LOOK beautiful.  But, man, was it dull.  Most of the buyers were gone in the first 5 minutes, audience asleepthe rest within the first 10 – way sooner than Mad Cow.  Who knows? Maybe they’d seen all they needed to and bolted out to call the distributors and make an offer.  But this did not feel like an engaged crowd – and half of us were horror fans there for the mere purpose of being entertained.

Then in the final scene, realization hit.  I whispered to Agustin, “Oh my god, we’ve seen this before.”  He came out of his bored stupor and cocked his head, “Nope.  I haven’t.”  Actually, I was right.  He had.  It played at a horror fest where Death in Charge screened several months back.   I had watched the first 10 minutes, fallen asleep and awakened for the final five minutes.  Agustin had watched the entire movie and still does not recall it.

evildead4I’ll refrain from mentioning the title.  I don’t want to diss a fellow indie filmmaker.  He accomplished an amazing feat.  Technically, the film is most impressive and I can’t imagine how they pulled it off for such a tiny budget.  I would have guessed a million easy.  I suspect, in fact, that it was a calling card for an FX house as the director also did the FX.  It was the script that was lacking.  I just didn’t care.  The story itself was not very compelling and far too slow.  It was guilty of what too many horror films are guilty – 20 minutes of actual plot stretched out into 90 minutes of movie.  It also relied too heavily on camera angles and sound design to elicit scares.  What little tension there was did not come organically from one’s investment in the actual characters or story. Also, while the Evil Dead was an apt comparison as far as theme and some of the fx were concerned, it missed the most important parts of that series – the heart and the humor.  There was not a trace of humor in this film.  It took itself far too seriously, and therefore I could not.  It was cold, distant, alas boring.

af cannes sign smAs  we exited the market, Agustin commented, “I don’t think trippin’s their thing,” referring to the distribution company.   I shrugged, “Probably not, but it’s impossible to say.  We’re talking about apples and oranges.  Besides, that film seriously would have benefited from a puppet, dontcha think?”

We grabbed a bottle of wine at one of our fave outdoor cafes in Old Town and found ourself deep in discussion about the day’s revelations.  I actually felt empowered.  The lessons I learned the day before came into practice in the film we’d just watched.  It certainly fulfilled the requirements of the “checklist” (see previous blog entry for details) and, as such, would no doubt make a profit.  Good for them.  Better for us.  Production values are, in fact, the easy part.  They merely require raising sufficient funds (or in-kind donations) from folks who know their craft and the equipment to support them.  We can do that.  Knowing how to entertain an audience, coming up with an engaging story with likable characters, having an original artistic voice is the hard part.  We can do that, too.

broken-bottle-on-headIt was getting late, but the weather was perfect, street music (lots of accordions in Cannes) and lively chatter filled the warm night air – there was nowhere else I’d rather be, nothing else I’d rather be doing.  I felt really good about things – where we’ve come from, where we’re headed and the wonderful journey that would take us there.

Suddenly, madness ensued.  A woman in formal attire rounded a corner with her entourage, wailing, tears pouring down her face.  We only got a bit of the story, but it sounded like she’d been horribly humiliated.  Our kind waitress brought her a complimentary glass of wine.  I love Europe.  Shortly thereafter, an angry man stomped down the alley from the opposite direction, smashing bottles against the brick walls in an unrelated fit of rage.

6669b340dca0e01929227010.L._SL500_AA300_Agustin and I decided to head back up the hill to our less hostile environment.  I thought about the tale Nat had told about the sniveling sales agent and his angry bosses, I thought about other unhappy people I’d witnessed during the day (LOTS of scared, desperate and tense looking people in the marche.)  In Roger Ebert’s “Notebook on Cannes” he mentions how exhausting the full 2 weeks are and how they really start to take their toll as things wind down.  I suddenly realized just what a wonderful gift the Cannes Independent Film Fest truly was.  I did not feel jaded or tired at all.  To the contrary, I’d never felt more alive and was dreading the end.  I suspect Agustin was in a similar space.  I held out my hand to him and chanted, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.”

He grabbed my hand and we broke out into a spontaneous round of the Laverne and Shirley theme song as we skipped the rest of the climb home:
LSfactoryline We’re gonna do it!

Give us any chance, we’ll take it.
Give us any rule, we’ll break it.
We’re gonna make our dreams come true.
Doin’ it our way.

Nothin’s gonna turn us back now,
Straight ahead and on the track now.
We’re gonna make our dreams come true,
Doin’ it our way.

laverneThere is nothing we won’t try,
Never heard the word impossible.
This time there’s no stopping us.
We’re gonna do it.

On your mark, get set, and go now,
Got a dream and we just know now,
We’re gonna make our dream come true.
And we’ll do it our way, yes our way.
Make all our dreams come true,
And do it our way, yes our way,
Make all our dreams come true

For me and you.

veranda chatWe arrived back to find Richard, Erich, some Cannes Indie regulars and some newbies still on the veranda with brandy, deep in discussion.  We joined them, hearing about the wonderful things we’d missed and sharing our own adventures and lessons learned from the day.  It was so nice to come home.  I felt bad for the unhappy people below whose paradise had turned sour.  Sucks to be them.  This really is the way to do Cannes.  Hell, this is the way to do life.  Some lessons are harder to learn than others, but it’s all good if you get the balance right.  I’ve never slept more peacefully.

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