Better Get Busy Living

Posted in Diary of a Directrix
January 29th, 2010 by Devi Snively (The Directrix)

maruja ramon me smJ.D. Salinger was one of 2 brilliant men who passed away yesterday.  The other was Ramon Gutierriez – a scholar, a gentleman and somebody who has had an even greater impact on my life.

af maruja ramon smAgustin introduced me to Ramon and his magnificent wife Maruja  during a trip to Spain 14 years ago.  How many endless meals we’ve since enjoyed at their place over lively discussions, amazing food and wonderful stories!  They instantly became family, confidantes and dear wonderful friends.  As I admired them together, still beautiful and happy, living the most wonderful lifestyle 60+ years into a relationship that began with the most devastatingly romantic story I’ve ever heard in my life, I determined right there in their fabulous living room overlooking the bustling sidewalks of Madrid – this is how one must live – on her own terms, pursuing that which matters most and doing so in a fun and lively way surrounded by loved ones.

catcherFranny.ZooeyI suppose that’s the polar opposite of the reclusive Mr. Salinger, whose work spoke to me so personally as a teenager but, upon revisiting his oeuvre years later, became more like engaging cautionary tales with likeable, albeit seriously misguided characters wallowing in existential crises.  I hope he found fulfillment in his chosen lifestyle, though I personally learned from him how I don’t want to live – also a very valuable lesson.

I was heartbroken to hear about Ramon yesterday, but as Agustin and I texted and called back and forth sharing our thoughts and feelings on the matter, I was also  impressed by the inspiration Ramon brought forth even in his death.  We laughed as much as cried over so many brilliant memories. Ramon’s 80+ years of life were lived to the fullest and should be celebrated.

ENGLISH_PATIENT3854021-Arc_de_Triomf_Barcelona_Spain-BarcelonaAnd at the risk of sounding insensitive, celebrate I did.  With Ramon and Maruja both on my mind all day, I had a major breakthrough in my script, finally understanding the story I was really telling – how it reflects my own life and how I needed the story to end in a fulfilling way (I completed my character’s arc which would please Ramon greatly -  how he loved arcs.  He spoke of them endlessly.)  Ramon was also so interested in films and we’d discussed them at length, especially on our last visit.  While I didn’t share his immense enthusiasm for “The English Patient,” I did share his love of cinema and storytelling and yesterday he became my muse.  I will dedicate my script in his and Maruja’s honor.  It reflects so much of what they’ve taught me.

BigNight2Then, to my delight, Albertson’s was having insane sales – 2 generous portions of filet mignon for under $6, baby spinach and spring salad mix a dollar a bag, my favorite dark chocolate and Coppola wine on sale, too.  I had a candlelit lunch listening to the soundtrack for Big Night and toasting both Ramon and Maruja and my joy for having them in my life.    It seemed like an appropriate way to honor Ramon – enjoying a meal and the company of loved ones even if we could not all be in the same room.  ironically, Agustin said he’d been listening to Louis Prima as well.  Funny how odd things can conjure fond memories.

imgthe-shawshank-redemption2After lunch, my daily matinee movie (a part of my new schedule of which I suspect Ramon would fully approve) could not have been more poignant.  I finally saw “Shawshank Redemption” (I know, I know – what have I been waiting for?)  Man, what a brilliant film!  What incredible characters.  And what a perfect theme – “Better get busy living or get busy dying.”  I’ve no doubt Ramon spent every day of his life busily living.  And I plan to follow suit.

Agustin and I had a late night phone chat before bed excitedly talking about plans for the future – things we want to do, the way we want to live, how we want to always be.  How despite the inevitable sadness that comes with the end of a life, what a triumph it is to have done it right. And how we must remember to do the same and never waste a precious moment.  It’s not so much what you do in life, as how and why you do it and with whom you share it.  If the how and the why and the who are in good order, happiness is bound to prevail no matter the what.

I define personal happiness as the realization that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be and nothing else I’d rather be doing.  I suspect Ramon spent much of his life feeling like that with the added bonus that  there was nobody with whom he’d rather be than she at his side.  A truly successful life indeed.

af devi maruja smI can’t imagine what it must be like losing a partner of 60+ years and am grateful that at such a time Maruja will be surrounded by her bounty of adoring friends and family (including Agustin and myself in short order.)  But then again I hope she realizes that Ramon is not lost in the slightest.  As I toasted him yesterday I knew he’d forever be a part of me and all of those whose lives he’s touched so meaningfully.

I know I will make an extra effort to live a little extra fully each day in his honor and cherish the good company around me.

Te quiero, Ramon.  Gracias por todo!

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